It is said, that you can only be creative when you feel like it. You cannot force yourself to create… Well, you can, but at least in my case, that wont lead to anything good most of the times. What I experience when I try to force myself into doing stuff, like music or writing without actually feeling the drive for it, is that I do and do and do with the result being worse than before. This is not something I do notice early in the process, but quite the opposite. At the beginning it does feel like I am making good progress in a direction I want to take the project. but then, after hours of effort have been put into it, I get the feeling that I am more and more forcing myself to like the additions, rather than really enjoying it from the heart. That is in most cases the point where I stop working on the project, closing it and taking a 24 hours break to check if the additions and changes are still appealing to me after that break. And often they don’t. So what follows is the deletion of the additions and another, bigger break, with a little frustration. So what I took from those experiences that happened multiple times is that I try to stop myself much earlier, before even opening the project. I guess it takes time to internalize that routine, but I am getting there.
Well, that paragraph is not really what I wanted to write about, but, well, since it’s there, it can stay. What I really want to talk about is an update about what is happening or better, what has happened since the last post. I am writing. I am writing and composing a lot lately. In the last two months I have laid the grounds for three new tracks, all made for my band project and almost ready for vocals. And I have written songtexts. All in my native tongue, german. I decided to write some songtexts in german, because I haven’t done that very rarely in the past and I was motivated by listening a lot to my favourite band Janus, lately. I never had the feeling that my writing in german could be powerful to transport not only words but images and feelings. But they can. They just need to be presented in the way they were meant to be. So I wrote three texts and spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I want them to be sung. And that is not that hard to do, because I know what I see and feel when writing them, but it is a lot harder to transfer that onto paper. I tried to capture that with my own voice, but let’s say, that was not a good idea, because I cannot really sing at all. So what I tried was, to remember as much as possible, take notes to remind me of images and feeling. And then, the next step will be to present it to Ellina and hope that she can understand what I mean and where I want the songs to go. The songtexts will of course be published together with the songs on the pages of my band project. You can memorize their names. They will be called 9 Minuten, Stundenglas and Maskenball.